rosaparking:

*purrs seductively in ur ear* *is an elderly overweight tabby cat*

modestdemidov:

i photoshop anime characters into most of my selfies i’m a giant fucking nerd this has been firmly established

rodneykong:

gotta reblog that crazy sex gif to let all my followers know i would do that sex act while doing the sex

people say stuff to me and i am very bad about keeping up correspondence but i see and appreciate most of it

dad dancing was added to the oxford fucking dictionary i don’t think i can ever make a text post funnier than that tbh

(Source: togifs)

i took this selfie while cooking curry i wonder exactly what gordon ramsay would yell at me if he saw this

itsbetterthananal:

my brother is 21 years old and a chef in a 5 star restaurant and he still has dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets for dinner every night so dont let anybody tell you how to live your life

step one: turn on a hand dryer

step two: put face under the hand dryer

step three: imagine you’re making sweet arid mouthlove with a wind elemental

antarctic expedition log, day 27: pace significantly increased after taking wilson’s suggestion to be pulled by the dogs on sleds instead of riding them

when ur mom comes home and

u are hte spaghetti

blood drive is a really intense name for a pretty boring thing